You don't mess with the Zohan!
Come disco.
No, no, no. I no disco, I make the fish.
Danny, come on, go disco.
Oh, okay. Disco!
Danny, that looks good. You're gonna be a hit at your bar mitzvah.
So okay, Mr. Big Penachim, I no see you disco.
No, no, no. I making dagim. I no disco.
A real man, he can disco and cooking dagim.
So let's go.
Go, go.
I get the hummus for you.
And for you.
Little for me, eh?
No.
Kapara, what is going on?
Just some bullshit-uchen.
Let's go!
Hey, I'm on vacation here. Can't you see this?
You promised me time off. Get someone else to do it.
Are they gonna hurt him?
No one can hurt the Zohan.
- Bye, Zohan. - Take care, man.
The terrorist known as Phantom...
...was spotted yesterday at a Hacky Sack tournament in Beirut.
He may be have been trying to bait us by surfacing briefly.
We believe he's being kept in a safe house on the Lebanon border.
How is we lose Phantom?
Didrt I capture Phantom three months ago?
What, you didn't hear about the trade?
What trade?
Zohan, we gave back the Phantom.
No!
What do you mean, we give back the Phantom?
Zohan, relax.
It was a good trade. We got back Etan and David.
That's all we got for a veteran terrorist?
Come on, we got hosed here.
They threw in a spy to be named later.
Come on, Zohan, you have to like that deal.
Maybe they're talking about Ze'ev.
Ze'ev. Come on, he's not even a good spy.
He got caught, for God's sake. He's a stupid.
Our plan is to enter the building from the front with a team of eight men...
...with an additional 12 men at perimeter positions.
Unfortunately, there is a high probability of collateral damage...
...including property and loss of life, on both sides.
Okay, here we go.
Excuse me?
Come on, is it not safer to send one man into building...
...with minimal coverage to take out the target...
...instead of blowing up half the neighborhood?
Well, who would do that?
Oh, "who would do that?"
You know you were going to ask the Zohan.
Zohan, why you say this?
I just laid out an entire plan which didn't rely on you.
Come on, Yaron, you're setting me up.
All this talk of civilian casualties, then of course I end up doing it.
- But I'm not even asking you to do it. - All right, I'll do it.
Give me Avi and Koby as watch, I'll get it done without the mess.
Well, thank you. You didn't have to.
Oh, I didn't have to, bullschlassah.
Have some Fizzy Bubblech.
"Kiwi watermelon"? Yeah, is good.
"Avalon."
Chunky cuts.
Zohan, what are you doing? The girls are here.
I know, I was watching television.
Well, if you want to have fun with us, we're right next door.
- Good with the sticky, you should do it. - No, no, no.
I am going to dinner with my parents. Just leave me alone.
- All right, all right. - It is all right!
You don't giggle at the Zohan.
You hear me? No giggling at the Zohan.
You never giggle at the Zohan.
What's the matter, tatele?
You haven't touched your baba ganoush.
What would you think if I tell you...
...I want to leaving the army, start a new life?
Why would you do that? You are good at it. It's steady pay.
You can't leave, you're one of their best.
Besides, you are too old to take a risk.
Stay in the army, play it safe.
There's other things I can do besides war.
You don't war.
- I was in the real war. - I know, I know the story.
1967.
We were surrounded on all sides, outnumbered.
- And in six days, we... - And in six days, we won.
You won. I'm sorry, I don't have a big, fancy war...
...that lasted all of six days...
Six days and five hours. Your generation likes to forget that.
Dad, I've done so much for the country. When does it end?
They've been fighting for 2000 years. It can't be much longer.
All of my friends served the minimum three years.
Why can't I move on? Do something else.
Something more creative.
Creative, what?
You've caught so many terrorists, it's an art.
You're like Rembrandt with a grenade.
What will you do?
Maybe go to America.
What, and haggle over stereo equipment?
Wait a minute, Ya'acov.
Uncle Levi will set you up at electronic store.
You make money, sow your creative oats, you come back.
No, I don't want to do electronics store.
Then how will you make money?
I don't want to say.
Zohan, if you can't tell your parents, who can you tell?
Come, Zohanele.
I want to cut...
...and style hair.
You... You fagala?
He's fag... Faga...
I like hair. It's pleasant, it's peaceful, no one gets hurt.
Well, you're only digging that fagala hole deeper and deeper.
Hello, down there! Hello, in the fagala hole.
Maybe he wants Vaseline.
Yes, it's so funny.
I just want to make people silky smooth.
You know the Phantom will try to run, so be ready for this.
- Zohan, now! - So let's go.
The Zohan.
Freeze!
I get it, I get it, you guys don't like our country.
So we are the bad ones.
I'd love to sit and discuss this with you, but I'm short on time.
I'm just saying. It's not so cut-and-dry.
We settled here for hundreds of years!
Good point.
None of my ancestors ever stepped foot in this land. No, you're right.
Hey, don't walk away!
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Hello, jackass.
You think you can oppress my people, landgrabber?
But I will never disappear.
No one can catch Phantom!
So let's go.
Very good.
Sorry. It's for the cause.
Zohan.
Zohan, bring it.
Why you do this? I feel no pain.
No, no, no. I feel no pain.
- I feel no pain. This is too much... - No, no, no. I feel no pain.
I have told you in other fights.
No, no, no. I kill you right now.
Look, look, look.
The pirana, it looks very painful for you.
Is good, is good.
Is very nice. Yes, yes.
Fizzy Bubblech for me.
You like what you see?
Time to die.
So let's go.
Okay, game over.
Yeah!
I kill!
I kill the Zohan!
Zohan is dead.
The Phantom!
Cutting the hair, this makes something beautiful.
Instead of shooting it.
That's why I had to fake to die.
I could have captured Phantom again, but for what? They trade him.
I love my country, but the fighting, it never ends.
It's like Mr. Scrappy, you bite Coco.
Coco, you bite him back.
Soon you are both having worms, eating your own poopech...
I understand. The pills.
Your parents think they know what's best for you.
Sleep.
It's all about not getting recognized.
I know how great I looked in the beard...
but I'll make this work for me, you'll see.
Rise and shine, guys. Good morning.
Is nice, huh?
It's the Avalon.
It says I care about the way I look, but I'm still approachable.
Oh, you like this?
Who wants to go next, guys? Who wants to look silky smooth?
Yes. Yes.
Oh, where are my two little babies? Oh, come on.
Come on out, Scrappy, come on out. Come to Mama, Mr. Coco.
Mr. Scrappy. Coco. What happened?
Who gave you permission to do this, huh?
Who did? Answer me.
Scrappy, was it you? It was you, wasrt it?
You're always the instigator.
Bad dog. You are a very bad dog. Never again are you gonna travel.
Take me to the Paul Mitchell hair salon.
- First time in New York? - Yes, my friend.
So, what brings you here?
I have a dream.
I had a dream too.
What dream you have?
My dream was to come to America...
...and make enough money to send for me brothers and sisters...
...so that we all could enjoy freedom together.
- This is good dream. - Oh, yes, it is.
- Is dream come true? - No, man.
Me brothers and sisters were hacked to death.
But I love the Chinese food here. It's incredible.
- Hey, you forgot these. - Those are for you, my friend.
Good morning for you. I am here to meet Mr. Paul Mitchell.
And who are you?
Scrappy Coco. I am here to take a job from him.
He isn't in right now.
That's good. So I will wait, then.
You know what? I'll take one Fizzy Bubblech, a raspberry.
You know, he actually doesn't come in too often.
Yes, just tell him I am perfect for this, so let's go.
- I am the best. - The best at what?
All of this. The cutting, the styling, the making it silky smooth.
I wanna know who cuts your hair.
Oh, you like this, eh?
This is the Avalon, straight from the Paul Mitchell book.
I haven't seen that style since Luke married Laura.
Sister, are you this Laura?
You tell Paul Mitchell, Scrappy Coco was here to see him.
If I find out he was here...
...or you are keeping him hidden from me...
...I will destroy you.
Believe me this.
What the hell was this, champ? I'm not paying for that!
This asshole cut me off, made me swerve into you!
With all due respect, I was in the bicycle lane.
You came like a madman. Be glad nobody was hurt.
I mean, somebody could've died. I mean, you came...
Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature.
You do not want to be throwing bicycles.
Look, stay out of my business, Mustafa.
"Mustafa"? This is not my name. Who tells you this is my name?
Whatever. Salami, bologna, apple sauce.
Apple who?
My friend, if I were you, I would change the tone.
Avoid the pain.
Listen, go back to your goddamned pretzel stand. We got it...
- Look what I've got. It's right here. - Please!
- I've got it. - Please, let me go.
I never work at pretzel stand. You like to insult people?
Was that your feet?
Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut.
Here comes the double foot.
This is good.
Smell it, smell it, smell it. Now take it.
- That's for you. - All right, let me go!
You said you wanted pretzel?
Okay, I'm good.
Beautiful.
You want some chickens?
No, no, no. I fix for you.
It's all b'seder.
What are you, bionic?
No, no, no. I only like the girls.
Thanks, anyways.
This is ridiculous traffic.
Anyway, George insisted we have the party.
- I always get midnight shift. - Could you keep it down, please?
I no sleep, I no see World Series Poker.
Are you even watching the road?
Be nice. He could be a terrorist.
- Why Hamdi no get no midnight? - Could you at least change the station?
- Hey, that was amazing. - Oh, yes.
Where are you from, anyway?
Where am I from?
Australia.
Really? Because you sound Middle Eastern.
No, no, no. Similar accents.
- Kangaroo. You see? - Sure.
This is ridiculous. We're getting out.
- Come on, dear. - I've been working longer than Hamdi.
- You want me to get you home? - No, I'll grab a cab.
You've done enough. That was crazy.
Whose lockzie do I have to schluck?
Oh, you know you're boning me. I don't know that.
It's you.
- What is happening? - What's happening?
It's bullshaklaga.
- We have to go. - Go where?
- I'll run you. - What are you doing?
This is legal?
Scrappy, have another kneidlach. Come on.
You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman.
It reminds me of my mother's cooking in Australia.
Really? It's funny, you don't sound Australian.
Yes, no, no, no. This is because I am half Australian...
...half Mount Everest.
So this is what you're hearing.
Well, Australia, it must be really nice there...
...since they got rid of the apartheid.
Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler.
So, Scrappy, I understand you cut hair.
I will be working with Mr. Paul Mitchell...
...as soon as I find out where they are hiding him.
Oh, Mom, Scrappy doesn't have a place to stay yet.
- Really? - Not yet.
Well, actually, there's a nice one-bedroom...
...that just opened up upstairs.
Nice light, not huge.
And they redid the kitchen very well.
- This could be good. - Could be good.
Could be good.
Hey, Mom, do you know where the detergent is?
- That's very good. - Oh, my God!
What? What's the matter?
What's the matter? That's my mom.
- It's okay, Michael. - I know it's your mother.
She's very beautiful.
Michael, I haven't made sticky in two days.
- What do you want from me? - Couldrt you wait till I was asleep?
- Or dead? - No, Michael.
You do... What's he doing now?
Why'd that happen? Why'd that happen?
It's okay. Let me talk to him.
Oh, I can't get up.
No, no. You'll feel your legs again in two hours.
Michael.
Come on, this is nothing to feel bad about.
Me sexing your mother.
It's beautiful. It's natural.
No, I didn't bring you home to do it with my mother.
Why not, huh? You don't want her to be happy?
Did you see her? Did you look at her?
I don't think I can ever look at her again.
Michael, her face during the big bang-boom?
You did not see?
She was glowing.
Patches. What are you...?
Michael, come on.
They'll be plenty of time for you and me.
Tonight, I take you to disco, huh? How's this?
No, why would I wanna go to a disco tonight?
Michael, you should go. It'd be fun!
You could use a little stank.
Yes, you need your penachim to take a swim.
Yeah, a little chicken of the sea. It wouldn't hurt.
Disco, disco. Let's do this, Michael. Yes or no?
Come on, you get to disco.
- All right, fine, I'll go to the disco. - Okay.
I do your mother one more time, and then we go.
- Wha...? - Seconds already?
Oh, yes.
Hey. Look at this.
This is what you need, man, to let off a little steam, huh?
How many times a day do you make sticky? Two? Five? Twelve?
How many times a day? I've had sex once in my life.
It was at tennis camp. It was awful.
You're too picky, Michael. Maybe that's the problem.
Every weed in the desert is still a flower.
Look at this. This a big one, eh?
But look at the tits. These will bounce nice for you.
Your mother, she has huge poopeh.
I mean, very wide.
But what I see are two big, strong legs wrapped around my head, squeezing.
So who wants to get some poontachen?
- I wanna get some poontachen? - Well, let's get some. Yes.
It's good for you. Nice spinning.
This is what I'm talking about. You play this.
- I ain't playing this corny shit. - No, no.
I need to set the mood for my friend.
Get out, you Daisy Duke-wearing motherf...
- Disco, disco. - Good, good!
Yes, hello. Hello.
Hey, Zohan.
Who you looking for?
It's okay, no one can hear me in disco, Zohan.
Can you believe the poontachat in this place?
I'm not Zohan. My name is Scrappy Coco, my friend.
What? Of course you are Zohan Dvir.
They all think you dead in Israel. I'm not going to tell.
Tell what? I don't know what you're talking about.
Zohan, it's okay. Don't worry, I'm a huge fan.
The way you took out Abdullah Meda in '94.
And when you made Melami Benazir eat his own shit in '97.
I can't believe I'm meeting you, man.
So, what the fachma are you doing here?
Come with me.
Look, I couldn't take all the fighting anymore.
- What's it all for? - Are you crazy?
If I could blow a terrorist inside out like you...
...this is all I would do. I'd never sleep.
- This is exaggeration. - No, it's not.
You made Palami Habdallah's poodle sit on a live grenade.
- You gotta show me how you did that. - I don't remember. I was young.
So tell me the truth. Why are you in America?
I no want to tell you.
What? What? Come on.
You are the best, Zohan. Whatever you say is good.
I want to be hairdresser.
You a fagala?
I can't believe it.
A great warrior, but also a fagala with the penachim.
No, no, no. I like hair.
Come on, man, I get you real job.
You come by my shop tomorrow.
Israeli electronics. Are you crazy?
- Everyone will recognize me. - No, you don't look like same Zohan.
You have silly haircut now.
- I have what haircut? - What?
- You say I look silly? - No, no. Who said this?
- You said this. - No, no. Nobody say nothing.
I don't need your job.
I get my own job on my own at a big salon. You will see.
You ever cut a sister's hair before?
Yes. Sister, brother, grandma, grandpa, the whole family.
I'm good at this.
Have you ever worked with dreads before?
This is what you do.
No more. This creature slayed.
It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me. He's got me. He's got me. Okay.
Okay. So we blind him in the eyes. We got you.
And we finish him.
You back away, I take hold of him. Go! Go! Go out! Go now!
Go!
This is hair. This is hair.
Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh?
A big part of our job here is making this a fun experience.
Of course, of course.
For a lot of kids, this is their first cut, and it can be very frightening.
- I can imagine. - I don't want a haircut.
Get away from me.
Let me go.
Young man, look what I found here.
A nice balloon.
Do you want it? It's right here.
You shouldn't jump around...
...when this nice womars holding a sharp pair of scissors.
If you move, she could slip and slice your jugular vein on accident.
There's no way to stitch the jugular.
All of your blood will be on the floor in four minutes.
I've seen this. I've done this. You don't want this.
Well, then, at least it's a good time to shave his neck. I would get him quick.
When I was your age I already killed seven men.
Maybe you should grow up.
I promise you you won't regret.
And come back.
"Fujigawa"? I don't know that brand. It really isn't...
It's not really Fujigawa. It's Sony guts.
- Wouldrt it be better with the Sony... - Oh, no, no, no. This is what you want.
- Four-hundred fifty. - But the ad says "Sony," and "300."
No, no, no. What you going to believe, me or the ad? Four-fifty.
Hello, Going Out of Business. Can I help you?
Sony, yes. Three hundred.
Come in, yes. Very good, very good.
Hi. I represent the new owner of this building.
Good for you. Want a birthday cake? What do you want?
Yamaha is very good.
Did you receive our letter regarding your rent?
- This I don't know. - It's being raised to 20,000 a month.
No, no, no. This is too much.
Eighty-five hundred is all we'll give you.
- This isn't negotiable. We can get... - Ten thousand, that's all.
We both go home happy.
- I'm sorry. We can't settle for less. - Okay, no deal.
You come back when you want to deal.
- Sir, you don't understand. - Go.
What you still here for? You like me? I have girlfriend. Go.
Thank you very much.
Hey, look who's here.
Come on, not so loud.
Don't worry, Zohan. I tell you, they don't recognize you.
Yosi. This is good man. This Chocolaté Coco.
- Scrappy Coco. - Scrappy Coco.
Cooking Who-co?
Yes, yes.
So you're going out of business?
No, no, no, no. Is just a sign. Is good for business.
Yeah, so you look me up, man. That's cool.
I come for job.
Job. So you not big hairstyle?
It's not really happening for me so far.
So I am here. So let's go.
No. No job.
What do you mean? You tell me to come here.
I can no let you do this. You want to be hair homo.
No, so I do this for now. It's all yofi tofi.
Is no now.
Once you start in electronics store, you never get out.
Look at Ephraim. You see?
I don't see nothing wrong with that. It's perfect.
Ephraim came to America...
...to be racing car driver.
But he let slip away.
I can hear it. Look. Check your ear.
Pinchas wanted to be the next Bill Cosby.
No. Is resistant, no proof. You don't understand?
But the store kept pulling him back.
Maybe you swimming with the watch.
- I'm not swimming... - Is resistant.
Yosi wanted to be a hand model.
What, you don't like this? Look at this. This is most beautiful.
But he got too comfortable here.
Press this button, it's free HBO.
The electronics store is a dream killer.
And I won't let the Zohan kill his dream.
You are a real mensch, Oori.
You the mensch.
Come.
What? What's this?
You may not go for this, but this place cross the street...
- Yes? - They maybe take you.
- Is good place? - No, is dump, but they take you.
Is on Palestinian side of street.
Palestinian?
No, no, no. Look, nobody kill you there.
Here nobody care.
First off, no one kill me anywhere.
But Palestinian, no.
I've done enough to my parents already.
I just want job for the Zohan.
And it kills me the way Phantom bastard...
...getting his buttochim kissed in Palestine now.
Buttochim kissed? What's this?
He have business.
He buy wives.
Him?
They say his ugly face everywhere.
Everyone is running To Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen
For the food the heroes eat
Kubeh, sambouesk, Delicious muchentuchen
You never know who you'll meet
You are going to get spoiled.
Phantom Muchentuchen!
Oh, yeah!
This month, order Muchentuchen Happy Lunch...
... and get action figures from Phantom Presents: Death to Zohan.
Unbelievable.
This animal gets to live his dream. But, me, l...
I can no work Palestinian, no. It's like... I can't do this.
Yes, you can.
Is your dream to cut hair. You want fight, or you want hair?
I want hair. But I'm scared.
Is America. You can do anything here.
You never done something people thought was impossible?
So you don't want to talk, huh? I'll make you talk.
I can do this.
Disco, disco, good, good.
So you have never cut hair before.
I have cut my own hair and several dogs.
I have the Paul Mitchell book, I have the stamina, the desire...
But you have no training or experience.
Would you hire someone with experience in something else?
In what?
Can anyone here do this?
Okay. I have never seen that.
That is very nice, but that is not going to help me.
No hands.
Besides, I have no openings.
If anything, I need to scale back...
...since they just raised my rent through the roof.
Out of nowhere, some guy with a tie comes in and tells me I need to pay.
Stop it!
I only wish to learn.
I will do whatever it takes.
Fine. You can sweep up hair a few shifts a week.
- You won't be... - No pay.
No, no, no. But then, I will become stylist, yes?
That could be a while.
I will wait turn. You will see.
I will get nighttime job for money.
Soon the whole world will be silky smooth.
Zohan.
- Carmen Electra has the best tits now. - Oh, please.
Oh, my God. I wonder how much she paid for them.
They're so perky.
You know, leave it to her to buy the best tits.
It's always first class with that one.
You know you don't have to catch every piece of hair as it falls.
Yes, I do. You deserve a perfect floor. One single hair is unacceptable.
As you were.
Yes. I got this.
"Did you see the new Kate Hudson movie?
I think she is even more vivacious than her mother."
Scrappeleh, that's wonderful. Now, let's practice on Michael.
Michael! Could you come in here, please?
What? What is...?
Oh, Scrappy needs to practice small-talking.
Can we do this another time? I have a shot at keeping my food down.
Michael, I want to practice now.
I'm afraid I'm terrible at this. Why won't you help me?
Oh, honey. You are good at everything you do.
- Got it. - Thanks.
So you're making her silky smooth, huh, Claude?
- Framing her face? - Yeah, Scrappy. I'm framing her face.
This is smart.
A nice layered style with the soft bangs...
...is good for a bigger woman like this.
- Coco. - Takes the eyes off the moon face...
...and brings it toward the titzim.
Coco.
I need to speak to you.
In private.
Private. A secret?
They will never get it out of me, I promise you.
Coco, Claude is trying to work.
Yes. He's very good.
So I am ready to cut hair today. So let's go, let's get it on.
No. Let's not go.
But I am the best.
Don't tell me you're the best.
- I have the desire, the stamina. - You've been here two days.
I run this place for five years.
I think I know when you are ready to cut hair.
Okay, Jeez! Get a room, you two.
No, no, no.
I do not touch this with your penachim.
Out of respect for the working.
No, you don't eat where you shit.
Or shit where you eat. Whatever the...
The smell is bad.
This is called a comb.
- With the fingers? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.
- Scrappy. - I'm sorry. Here, I take your leg up.
I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry.
- Okay. All right. - I apologize.
- Take him where he wants to go. - Thank you. Okay.
- Good luck. - It will be fine.
- Your limousine has arrived, sir. - You're observant, Tyler.
Thank you, Big Mac.
I am really late for a hotel opening downtown. The Walbridge Hotel.
I understand, sir. I know the neighborhoods inside and backwards.
- We will not let them stop us. - What?
I'm not in much of a hurry.
Oh, no.
You want some coffee back there?
No!
I will lose them.
Nobody is following us.
Oh, shit!
Have a good time, sir.
Debbie, you did a good job.
You look very bangable, Mrs. Rosen.
Mrs. Paulson, I must tell you...
...when you first came in, you looked hideous.
There was nothing attractive.
But now, I must say, my schtitzel, it's about to burst.
- It could break these any... - What are you doing?
We are talking shop.
No. No.
- Look, Coco... - What?
You need to calm down now, okay?
I don't think these customers like the way you talk shop.
Nobody say this.
Coco, remember, respect for the workplace.
I have betrayed my salon.
He's trying to kill himself.
- Scrappy. - I deserve this.
No, no. Just... Just...
Easy on the ladies.
I didn't mind.
Take care, Mrs. Paulson.
She did not mind.
Let me disinfect the scissors...
...so someone else can make someone else silky smooth.
I'll just clean up.
Rafaela's Salon.
What? No.
Debbie, she quit.
- What? - Sorry.
Claude, did you know about this?
I should have told you.
She's been looking for a new job since those rent guys came around.
Then why you no say nothing, little bitch?
Don't worry, I'm not giving up on this place.
You're a good guy, habibi. I just... I don't know what to do.
So let's go.
Scrappy, I have enough problems right now.
I not the problem. I the solution. I fix.
But if you screw up...
I can't afford a screwup right now.
No, no, no. I no screw up. I am the best for the job.
Yeah, but you push and push. "When is my turn"?
I have to care about salon.
- No, no, no. - No, no, no.
You care about you. And don't fight in front of the customer.
Mrs. Skitzer, I am afraid our stylist is out today.
Would you care to wait for Claude?
Does he do hair?
He's not a regular.
Well, that's fine.
She say... I mean, only if it's okay with Dalia.
Okay.
You will not regret this decision.
Mrs. Skitzer, let's cut your hair.
Just lay back, Mrs. Skitzer. I'll take care of everything.
- Oh, thank you. - Thank you.
Sexy woman like you deserves to be pampered.
Me, sexy? Sure.
Don't be humble.
You've got the ass and tits of a schoolgirl and you know it.
And everyone else knows this too, believe me.
Yes.
Let me get your earring off.
I love it.
Of course you do. I make you silky smooth. I tell you this.
All right, Scrappy. You can cut Debbie's clients today.
If they want you.
Thank you.
I'll get to you all soon as I'm all the way done with Mrs. Skitzer.
That all you got, Mrs. Skitzer?
Come on, baby. Go, baby. Yes. Yes.
So who's next?
Come on, Scrappy!
Thank you, dear.
- It's a lot of speakers. - Yes. Yes.
It's orgasmic.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yes!
Grab it, Scrappy!
For you. Yes.
I give this to you.
- No. I am sorry, Mr. Paul Mitchell. - Hear me out, Scrappy, please.
I'll give you stock options. I'll name a shampoo after you.
No, my loyalty is to here. I will destroy you.
I heard about this place from Joanne.
You have to ask for Scrappy.
Yes, is the primary cardholder present?
Excuse me?
Hello, I am calling from Spiegel catalogue.
Are you between the ages of 18 and 39?
We're trying to talk here.
Have you ordered from catalogue in past six months?
Could you get off the phone while you drive?
Hey, what's the matter? I trying to make a living, do my job.
This is your job.
This is job also.
This is not Iraq.
I am Palestine, I'm not Iraq.
And you're not getting a tip.
And you are a stupid cow.
Jeez.
- And we're done. Okay, you, skedaddle. - Thanks so much.
- I'll see you later. - All right.
I like this, the red hair.
I bet she has a pumpkin patch down below, yes?
I don't know.
- Did you tap her tuchus? - No.
Why don't you go after the snatchacheem in this place?
They all want you, believe me.
Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure.
I'm telling you, you're not picking up the signs.
Come with me. I'll show you a technique. It's beautiful.
Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you? You want the cut and color today?
Yes, please. Thanks.
Watch.
You see? She's going with it. It's good.
Yep.
- She has a free shoulder. Come join. - I'm good.
Mrs. Haynes, you're getting cold here.
Claude, come. Keep her warm.
Go ahead. Yes.
And gently move. Gently move the shoulder.
All you want to do is let her know you're here for her.